Don't give up.  Listen I was once anorexic and I know how it feels.  You want control, you want to be skinny, you just want to be beautiful.  I understand.  I read that your 5'5 and 103 pounds!  Dang that really low.  The average 5'5 girl is 125 pounds.  I know a great way to stay skinny and still gain that weight back up.  It's called working out.  You will get muscle if you really try which weighs more then fat.  And don't kill yourself.  It will only leed to bad things trust me.  You don't have to binge or anything just eat regular meals and snacks and an occasional dessert.  I know your not eating much now and this will seem like alot of food at first but then you'll realize it's only normal.  Start out small and work you way up.  I'm here for anything you might need.  Stay strong.

Remember*God cares for you and so do I*

babe listen to all of these smart loving ppl.  they dont even know you and they care enough about you to leave you a comment hun if you know you'll never be perfect then stop trying to be cuz it wont happen know one is perfect not even brea i bet if you asked her she would have something she didn't like about her to and who do you have to be perfect for?? yourself??? ppl at school like you the way you are and if they dont like you its not because your fat jeez they think your so skinny they call you 70 pounder and i know you hate that but honestly you are not fat!!! and i already told you id let you go to appleton if it meant you getting better but you always tell me that you wouldnt even eat there so ???? hun if god wanted you dead he'd have taken you already btu he hasnt' because he loves you and has a beautiful plan for your life and you think that when your dead you wont have any problems and your right but god wants you to have these problems because there all part of his plan for you and he wouldnt give them to you if he knew you wouldnt make it sorry if this is confusing and long but i love you and just go slow eat as small as you can at first so that you dont puke but your still getting food and then slowly eat more and more and you can eat and exersize you dont have to starve yourself or exersize alot or puke and im sorry for being such a hypocrite rite now i love you ttyl

Don't give up! Everyone who reads this doesn't want you to kill yourself! We're all rooting for you!

NOBODY'S PERFECT! Not even Oprah. I don't believe you that you're fat. I look at no one and think that they're ugly because we're all unique.

Just remember: DON'T GIVE UP! God help you by getting through this!

Inperfection is the most beautiful thing about a person. Its hard it may get harder but there is something worth fighting through it for. Killing yourself is not the answer and it never will be. You can beat this even if it means tears. You need to control yourself and force yourself not to be sick. Its hard it will take time, it will seem impossiable but in the end you will realize it was all worth it. Perfection is not a weight it is a state of mind.

~G~

hunny no ones perfect.

no one. everyone makes mistakes. and everyones beautiful=]

god made u. your perfect the way u are. no, that dosnt mean  u cantgo on diets, or go to beauty shops.

but u dont need to try anymore.

dont give up on yourself. god hasnt givin up on u.

life can be as sweet as u make it. love youself, and others will love you=]

get help. tell ur parents u need to go to a institution for girls with eating disorders.

it will get u on the right track.

giving up might be eisier, but if you dont give up the outcome will always be better.

you can get through this.

im here, god here, and your still here.

you can do this.

Suicide is never the way to go. Obviously, Chelsea wanted to take the bottle away from you because she cares about you. Just keep a positive attitude and think of all the good things in your life. I don't know, your family, friends, pets, etc.

you.....FAT??? HAHAHAHA

i laugh at that im 140, 5'2, and 13

gurl thts great but you need to get things tht make you wanna live. everyday is a day closer to death, and if you really wanna die let mother nature do it for you. talk to me anytime

barbiexxrules@aim.com

=]

In my health class right now we are watching a documentary on eating disorders and what they do to the body and mind. Like, supposedly, anorexics grow fine hair all over their body becuase since they don't have enough body fat to keep them warm, it uses the hair.

anyways, please don't think you're overweight. if you want to stay healthy and look good, see a nutritionist. they will tell you EXACTLY what you should eat, how much to exercise etc. all the stuff they tell you is modeled for your body specially.

believe me, you think being 14, 5' 5" and 110lbs is bad? Ha! No where near it.  I may be 2 years older and 3 inches taller, but I wear 30 lbs more than you. And the weight my doctor says i'm supposed to be at is between is 129-137 lbs. Means all the extra weight I'm carrying around it the excess fat I don't need.

So please don't think you're fat. Maybe 110 lbs seems fat to you, but keep in mind that most of it is water weight. They told me that my water weight, out of 140, 70 lbs of it was water. THen bone, tissue, etc, with fat being 30lbs. And even then, your body needs some fat, like for the cushioning of organs. (Liver, heart, and a few others.) If you're worried about eating, just snack alot throughout the day on veggies and fruits with some whole wheat bread here and there. So instead of eating 3 meals a day, have like, 6 small portioned ones. That way, you're less hungry every time you snack.

something you might not've known:

calories aren't fat. they're a unit of a way to measure heat when energy is being burned. the average person needs roughly 2,000 a day.

carbs: ARE YOUR FRIENDS. it;s what you nees the most of.

anyways, i really hoped this helped,

and sorry if i came off patronizing in any way.

alice

Wow, it has been FOREVER since you last wrote, and I was getting worried there girl!!  I am SO happy that you are kickin satan in the butt and gonna try to recover!!  I am also at the stage where I can't keep food down, but I don't know how to NOT go on without purging!!  This sucks so bad, but it makes me feel better that you are getting help.  Heck, everybody needs help, but it's only the smart ones who actually ASK.  But wait, why were you in the hospital??  Were you too underweight, or was it that you couldn't stop throwing up?  I'm always afraid of puking up blood.  I'm praying for you Ashley!!!!  Come visit my diary and tell me what happened in the hospital!!

-Rebecca

hey you're what, 13?  nobody would have to pay for the anti-depressents, and also, that exacto?  i am NOT at ALL happy with myself for buying iot, and I told my youth pastor mark about it and i told him i might throw it out.  maybe.  i love cutting, but i don't like the afteraffects, meaning the scars and pain.  duh. lol!  anyways, im really proud of you for not cutting, even though you've been doing other things, because i think, personally, that cutting is more addictive.  please don't go too much under 100 pounds.  you are already extremely dangerously underweight for your age and height.  i however CAN afford to lose more weight, but probably not in the way that i am.  purging is SO scary and everytime i do it im always praying that i won't tear my esophogus or something.  it may seem totally hypocritical for me to be telling you these things, when im doing the exact same, but i wouldn't wish bulimia on anybody, not even my worst enemy.  well, maybe satan.  LOL!!  anyways, im prayin for you ashley and that you will beat your bulimia one day and open up to your parents.  they just love you so much, as do mine, but its so hard to let them love us sometimes when we feel soooooooo unbelievable undeserving of anybody's love.  well, my class is gonna start soon, so ill ttyl!!  love you!!  :)

-Rebecca

its because when we binge and then purge, we still keep about a 1/4 of the calories we've snarfed down.  when i throw up im well aware that it is IMPOSSIBLE to get everything back up.  100 pounds is my goal weight, and even though im so jealous, i wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy.  my cousin suffered from it too, and satan robbed her of 7 years of her life.  i am STARTING, just starting, to MAYBE think that getting better might be a good idea, but of course im just scared.  duh.  lol!!  anyways, always praying,

-Rebecca

wait your 5'5 and weight 103?? im 5'7, 13 and weight 112..trust me, you ARE not fat..

:*:KeLsEy:*:

sorry to say but you are NOT right..you ARE bulimic..if you throw up what you eat, you are definately bulimic...please don't do that to yourself..their are so many more effective ways to try to get to what you want that hurting yourself..

:*:KeLsEy:*:

Bulimia: An eating disorder, common especially among young women of normal or nearly normal weight, that is characterized by episodic binge eating and followed by feelings of guilt, depression, and self-condemnation. It is often associated with measures taken to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting, the use of laxatives, dieting, or fasting. Also called bulimarexia, bulimia nervosa.

In my opinon, yeah. You are Bulimic. why u r is a reason I'd really like to know. You shouldn't be doing that to yourself, but I know its more easier to said than done. I use to be like you. how old are you?

To answer your question If you throw up everything you eat yes you are bulimic and it is a terrible thing to be. But now that i have answered your question you have to answer mine. Why do you cut and why do you throw up everything you eat? You have to have an answer for things that you do so tell me why do you do those things? I'm not trying to be mean or anything I just would like to know the reason.

Victoria

i wanted to know what you think about what i wrote in your entry #6.  you know, just to see if you agree or disagree.  im so sorry that you are so far in.  i hate hearing that people make themselves throw up, and yet it i m stuck in the same neverending hole.  i puked today also, and it did not feel good.  i am SO not proud of my bulimia, but i feel like i NEED it to survive, you know??

-Rebecca

Wake up.

This makes me so angry and so sad.

I don't know you, or your story, but there is no excuse for you to have obsessions like this.

I have a close friend, like a sister, that does the same thing. She's so selfish to do that to me. Your selfish to do this to your loved ones.

103?? 5'5. That's practically perfect for you.

Kids in other countries kill to just have a plate of food. And here we are, starving and purging for bodily image.

Sure, our image of 'perfection' is so distorted these days to become stick, flat skinny.

It's sad to know that someone wants to be someone there not

I'm not here to diss on you, please know this. But if you need anything.

Please tell me.

I want to help.

It's not your body you should be worried about, it's the way you think.

Think about that.

~Mandy